


once upon a time i was falling in love (now i’m only falling apart)

by wafflehearts



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, dianetti, im dead, minor peraltiago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:00:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24531196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflehearts/pseuds/wafflehearts
Summary: “Letting you go was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I wish we can just go back, and be together again.”“I’d like that.”ORbasically gina reacting to rosa and pimento's engagement and a bunch of stuff that happen after that
Relationships: Gina Linetti & Jake Peralta, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Rosa Diaz/Adrian Pimento, Rosa Diaz/Gina Linetti
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	1. what about us?

**Author's Note:**

> title lyrics from total eclipse of a heart  
> paragraphs in italics are flashbacks

_“Wait. Wanna get married?”_

_“Yep.”_

And that’s it. Rosa Diaz and Adrian Pimento are officially engaged. Engaged as in _engaged_ engaged, engaged as in to be wed. They plan to have the wedding for the following week, just a small, private wedding with only the squad, their families and some other guests.

When the couple announce this news to the squad, Rosa’s glad everyone is ecstatic and happy for them. But if she looks closer, she’d see that not _everyone_ is. Because sitting at the back of the precinct a particular someone is trying to ignore the tears threatening to spill out of her large blue eyes, blinking rapidly. And Rosa doesn’t notice, too caught up in the love, in the happiness, in her fiancé. In her engagement. Instead, she puts her perp in the holding cell, ignoring the dirty looks he sends her and drags Adrian to the break room, presumably to make out. Leaving Gina all alone, heartbroken and hopeless.

~~

_“You really think you’re a better dancer than me, Britney?” Gina muses to herself, peering at the post on her phone screen._

_Suddenly there’s a knock on her door. Sighing exasperatedly, Gina puts down her phone and goes to get it._

_“This better be worth it! I had to put down my phone for this,” she yells loudly, knowing whoever’s outside will probably be able to hear her and hopefully not waste her time._

_What she doesn’t expect is a flustered Rosa pacing outside her door, muttering something incomprehensible to herself, holding a bouquet of Gina’s favourite flowers._

_Gina frowns, surprised. “Diaz... what are you doing here?”_

_Startled, Rosa looks up, as if only noticing that she is not alone. “Uh...” she starts, her mind going blank, forgetting the entire speech she prepared. “Here,” Rosa thrusts the bouquet into Gina’s hands, wringing her now empty hands, looking down in embarrassment once again._

_Looking back and forth from the bouquet to Rosa, Gina asks confusedly, “What’s this for? You can’t just thrust a pretty bouquet in my hands without saying anything.”_

_“Um, I just wanted to tell you that I,” Rosa takes a deep breath, running her hands through her hair. “Thatikindalikeyou.” she mumbles, face blushing furiously._

_Gina’s eyes widens. For a minute the world seems to stop, her head spinning with questions. “Well, why didn’t you say anything?” she manages to ask._

_Rosa shrugs, refusing to meet Gina’s eyes. “I don’t know. I guess I was scared. I mean you were dating Milton and I was with Pimento and I didn’t want to ruin any of our relationships or hurt you and I know you probably don’t like me back—“_

_Rolling her eyes, Gina interrupts the detective’s rambling and leans forward, capturing Rosa’s lips in a kiss. Rosa gasps, but doesn’t pull away, instead snaking her arm around Gina’s waist._ _Gina smiles and wraps her arms around Rosa’s neck, pulling her closer, her_ _fingers tangling in dark unruly curls._

_They break apart after a while, both gasping for air. “Wha-“ Rosa opens and closes her mouth, gaping at Gina, trying to think of something coherent to say. In the end “wow” is all she can manage._

_Gina smirks at her expression. “I like you too dum dum. Are you free tonight?”_

_Rosa can only nod._

_“Good. Meet me here at 8.” Winking, Gina leans forward to peck Rosa’s cheek. “I’ll see you later.” And with that, Gina turns to go back into her apartment, closing the door behind her, leaving Rosa standing there dumbfounded, smiling to herself._


	2. loving you had consequences

Wiping her tears, Gina puts her phone down. Sighing, she plops onto the sofa, flipping through the channels half heartedly. She can’t settle on one though, and ends up tossing the remote on the floor. Curled up on the sofa with wolfie draped over her lap, she sends a text to Jake telling him to come over.

Just as she’s about to put her phone down again, Gina spots Rosa’s name in her contact list and presses into their chat tentatively. Wondering if should congratulate Rosa on her engagement, her fingers hover back and forth over the keyboard. Ultimately, she decides it’s fundamental courtesy and sends Rosa a quick message.

**gina** 💖💍 **: congrats on your engagement, you guys really love each other, huh?**

Gina decides to add a smiley face at the end of the text, but she doesn’t feel like smiling at all. Inside, she feels as if she’s lost, she’s adrift at sea, without a boat or any necessities, and she just can’t seem to reach anywhere no matter how much she wants to. She’s trapped, she’s on her own, clinging desperately to that piece of wood, trying not to drown. Trying to survive for as long as she can.

Then her phone buzzes. Gina scrambles to pick it up, thinking it’s Rosa, but it’s only twitter notifying her that Rihanna has canceled her concert. Gina groans, putting her head in her hands. The universe is really against her, isn’t it? She decides to take her mind off Rosa and practises her dance moves for the Dancy Reagan concert next week.

Gina’s phone buzzes again as she finishes her routine. Her heart races as she picks it up eagerly. This time it is Rosa.

**rosie** 🖤 **: yeah. can’t wait.**

It’s just three words, but Gina’s heart sinks. _Of course they love each other,_ she thinks bitterly. _Why would you even question that?_ Rosa isn’t hers. She’s someone else’s. And theres nothing Gina can do about it, but she just can’t seem to accept that. She wants Rosa Diaz for herself.

“Fuck!” she screams. Rage and anger wash over her, and she throws the phone across the room. It hits the wall, hard, shattering into a million pieces, but Gina just doesn’t have it in her to care about her broken phone right now. She’s so stupid, for thinking that Rosa might actually love her back, for thinking that they might have another chance, for loving the detective so fiercely.

Gina’s on the couch hugging her knees tightly, rocking back and forth and sobbing quietly when the doorbell rings. “Shit”, she gasps, eyes flying open as she realizes that she completely forgot about Jake. Sighing, she runs her hand through her hair, attempting to smoothen it, and forces a smile onto her face as she walks through the living room, careful to avoid the broken pieces of glass.

On the other side of the door is Jake Peralta, standing there with a box of die hard CDs in his hand and a goofy grin which he’s had on his face since he started going out with Santiago.

Of course, Gina is happy for her best friend, but a part of her is envious of their perfect relationship. They’re meant for each other, they love each other so much and they make each other happy. She wants that, only the person she wants that with is currently engaged.

Jake barely manages to say a word before Gina completely breaks down, sobbing into her hands, tears streaming down her face. Jake’s eyes widen and he wraps his arms around her. “Gina,” he asks, placing a kiss on her forehead. “What’s wrong?”

“I love her so much,” she whispers through the tears, hiccuping, holding onto Jake desperately. “I love her so fucking much. But she’s engaged. And I’ll never be able to call her mine again.”

“Oh, Gina,” Jake breathes, knowing perfectly well who she is referring to. He doesn’t know what to say, only pulls her in closer, patting her back soothingly, whispering it will be okay. He’s never seen his best friend like this, so raw and so vulnerable, and it completely breaks his heart. “I’m so sorry, Gines.”

Gina pulls away and wipes her tears. “I just… I just wish I was the one waking up next to her every morning, the one kissing her goodnight every morning, the one who she loves. I wish I could go back. But life always takes away what you love the most, doesn’t it?” she laughs hollowly. “It’s better not to love anything, anyone.”

~~

_Shutting her laptop, Rosa smiles in satisfaction and lets out a yawn. Finally she can sleep. Placing the laptop on her desk, she heads over to the bed, where Gina is fast asleep. Smiling softly to herself, Rosa strokes the auburn haired woman’s cheek gently, admiring how beautiful she is, even when asleep._

_Slipping under the covers as quietly as possible (as to avoid waking Gina up), Rosa reaches over to turn off the light on her nightstand— and accidentally knocks her phone onto the floor._

_“Shit!” she gasps, immediately bending over to pick it up._

_“Rosa, babe, what are you doing,” Gina mumbles, stirring lightly._

_“I’m sorry, G, go back to sleep,” Rosa kisses the back of her head and wraps her arms around Gina’s waist. “I love you,” she mumbles, convinced Gina is already half asleep and won’t be able to hear her._

_Except she’s fully awake now, sitting upright. “What did you just say?” Gina questions, staring at Rosa with an expression on her face she can’t quite decipher._

_“Uh…” Rosa gulps, like a deer caught in headlights. She looks around, as if trying to find a way out of this situation. Finally she sighs in defeat and mumbles, embarrassed. “I… love you?”_

_Gina’s breathing quickens as she tries to process what she just heard. Rosa… loves her? For a minute time seems to stop, and the world stops spinning._

_“It’s okay if you don’t… you know, feel the same way,” Rosa says quietly, looking down. It’s then that Gina realizes she hasn’t responded yet._

_“You’re an idiot,” she teases, lifting Rosa’s chin. “You’re such an idiot. Of course I love you back. Of course I do.” Rosa smiles that rare smile of hers, and captures Gina’s lips in a rough and needy kiss. She pulls her in, claiming her mouth, hungry and intense. They can’t breathe very well, but it’s cool, breathing’s not necessary._ _Then it’s tender and affectionate, both of them drowning in each other as the world melts away. They smile into the kiss, clashing teeth, but they don’t care, they’re too in love to care._


	3. i keep dancing on my own

Gina is willing to do anything for the love of her life. _Anything_. Even get hit by a bus once again. As long as it makes Rosa happy, because that’s all that matters. She is Gina’s priority, and will always be. So when Rosa asks Gina to be her maid of honor, she nods and forces herself to smile through the pain.

But the truth is, nothing hurts more than this. Gina’s certain that seeing the woman she loves get married is going to break her. But she can’t ruin the wedding. She wouldn’t even dare _think_ of doing it. The only choice she has is to go through it with a pained smile on her face as Rosa and Pimento say their vows to each other, as they say their “i do”s. This is something she has to do. _For Rosa._

She does all her duties as maid of honor, and even plans an amazing bachelorette party. Why Rosa chooses Boyle’s party over hers, she will never understand. The four of them have a fun evening, but deep down Gina knows this is the last time she’ll be able to look at the detective without her heart completely breaking, before Rosa becomes Adrian’s wife officially. She knows she can’t ruin this perfectly planned bachelorette party though. So Gina pushes the feeling of hopelessness away and forces herself to have a good time. To enjoy herself. _For Rosa._

Then before she knows it, the wedding arrives. Clad in a floral dress, Gina stands in the bathroom, in front of the mirror, watching as the life and happiness slowly drain out of her eyes. She feels a tear in her eye and doesn’t wipe it away, instead letting it run down her cheek. This. _This_ is what she has been dreading for the past week. She stands, lifeless, watching as people come and go. Then Rosa comes in through the door. She isn’t in her wedding dress yet, there’s 3 more hours until the wedding, but she still looks ethereal as always.

“Hey,” Rosa says softly, smiling at Gina. “I’m getting married!”

“Yeah, I know,” Gina struggles to choke back a sob. “Congratulations.”

Rosa frowns. “G, are you okay?”

Gina breathes shakily, determined not to let Rosa see her crying. But it doesn’t work. Because just as Rosa opens her mouth to ask again, she sees Rosa and Adrian in front of her, saying their “i dos”, looking at each other with love, with joy. _While her heart breaks more and more with every second that passes._ But there’s nothing she can do. The couple is perfect for each other, and Gina’s just the girl who’s hopelessly in love, just the girl who’s lonely, depressed, crying over someone she knows she can’t have.

Something completely breaks in Gina, and the tears come flooding out of her blue orbs again. Rosa’s hand flies to her mouth as she tries to calm the devastated girl down, but Gina pushes her away. She drowns in her own sorrow, gut wrenching sobs tearing through her chest, her body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears, crying harder than she ever has. When she looks up and sees Rosa staring at her, concerned, Gina wipes her tears hastily and runs out of the bathroom, leaving Rosa bewildered and confused.

~~

_“Rosie, where are we going?” Gina yells over the loud roaring of the engine, clutching onto Rosa’s torso tightly as her hair gets tousled by the wind. She looks around worriedly. They’re speeding along the highway on Rosa’s motorcycle after she very rudely interrupted Gina’s dance practice, saying she had a surprise._

_“You’ll see,” Rosa smiles to herself. “It’s a surprise.”_

_Gina huffs loudly. “Rosa, this mysterious thing is fun and all, but seriously, where are we going? For all I know, you could be taking me to a dumpster and murdering me.” She gasps dramatically. “Are you going to murder me?”_

_Rosa rolls her eyes. She loves her girlfriend, but sometimes she can be a tad too dramatic. “I wasn’t planning to, but maybe if you keep asking so many questions I’ll consider it,” she jokes._

_“Rude.”_

_They drive silently for a few more minutes, Gina finally giving up to Rosa’s relief. She lets her eyes rest, feeling the ambiance of highway, enjoying the sounds from nature, taking in the aroma, letting her brain relax for a while._

_Finally they arrive. They’re not on the highway anymore. Instead they’re in a more… remote place of nature. The ground is filled with rocks, with small crabs and other organisms scuttling around on them. Rosa gets off the motorcycle first, immediately turning around to help Gina._

_“Careful. Don’t cut your feet on the rocks,” she warns, noting how Gina is wearing sandals._

_“Such a gentleman, Diaz,” Gina teases as she hops off. Rosa looks away, embarrassed, a faint rosy blush evident on her cheeks._

_“Come on,” she says, wrapping an arm around Gina’s shoulder and leading her to their destination._

_It turns out to be a beach. A deserted small beach. Rosa lets out a small sigh and smiles, looking around, clearly familiar with this place._

_“Wow,” Gina breathes, and immediately runs forward to explore. The beach is spectacular and breathtaking. The warm, golden sand runs between her toes as she walks along. She finds gorgeous, shiny but delicate shells that have been washed into the shore. “I’m keeping them,” Gina declares, reaching down to pick them up and put them in her own bag. The beautiful, big blue ocean's waves are crashing against the cliffs, beautiful birds flying around in the air. But the most stunning thing is the sky. Gina’s pretty sure she’s never seen such an amazing sunset before. Rich hues of red blended with orange, purple, pink, all the colors you can possibly think of and more._

_“It’s beautiful isn’t it,” Rosa says softly after catching up with Gina, who nods, still in awe. “I like to come here when I need to spend some time alone. There aren’t many people here. I guess they’re too lazy to drive such a long way, or they just simply don’t know about this place. I brought you here because I thought… you’d like it.” She looks at Gina hopefully._

_“It’s beautiful babe. Wow.” she laughs. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more in love with you.” Rosa smiles shyly at her, and after a while their lips meet. Gentle, compassionate, and Gina knows that there’s no one she’d rather spend the rest of her life with._


	4. i wish i could pretend i didn't need you

Seated two rows from the wedding arch, Gina is on her phone waiting for the ceremony to start. _5 more minutes_ , she notes to herself bitterly. _5 more minutes until the wedding starts._ _5 more minutes until Rosa gets married. My Rosa._

Then 5 minutes pass, and Adrian is still nowhere to be seen. The guests are looking around in confusion now, and out of the corner of her eye Gina sees Jake and Amy stand up to find the couple. Not that she cares. Gina can already imagine what her night is gonna be like. Whiskey, heartbreak, crying all alone, while Rosa and Adrian are back home celebrating their marriage and making out and— Gina screws her eyes shut, trying to remove the image of Rosa and Adrian from her brain. She’s already broken down once in this wedding venue, and doesn’t want it to happen again.

5 more minutes pass. Then 10. Then 15. The bride and groom are still absent. Gina starts to get worried, and so do the other guests. Just as she stands up to go look for them, Rosa and Pimento walk down the aisle, hand in hand. Everyone quiets down and returns to their seats.

They stand under the wedding arch, and announce that they’ve decided to call off the wedding. Gina doesn’t know how to feel. She feels relieved, shocked, but mostly… confused. Why? Why are they stopping the wedding? Did something happen? Then Gina lets out a breath she doesn’t realize she was holding, and feels a spark of hope slowly relight in her heart, but she forces it to disappear. She doesn’t want to get hurt again. One time was enough. Her mind lingering, no longer listening to Adrian’s speech about how they’re going to keep the wedding presents, Gina looks around. The guests are mostly shocked, and some of them are upset.

And then she looks to the wedding arch again, holding her breath, and Rosa’s eyes meet her own. Gina swears there’s something different in Rosa’s eyes now. In the bathroom they were filled with joy and excitement, but now… now they’re nostalgic and wistful, regretful even, as if reminiscing about the past, as if caught up in a poignant memory. Rosa’s smiling sadly at her, bittersweet, melancholy, as if she knows exactly what’s wrong, but there’s nothing she can do. _I’m sorry,_ she mouths. Gina freezes. And in that exact moment, she realizes that Rosa knows about her feelings.

~~

_“No,” Gina shakes her head, trying to believe that she’s just in a horrible nightmare. “No. This can’t be happening. Tell me it’s just a joke,” she pleads._

_“I’m so sorry Gina, I really am.” Rosa’s head is hung and she’s looking down, refusing to meet Gina’s eyes. “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to hurt you.”_

_“Then why are you doing this?” Gina cries out, tears spilling down her face. “Why?”_

_“We’re just… not right for each other. I’m sorry,” Rosa sighs, looking up. Gina can see a few stray tears glistening on her cheeks, her eyes lacking the usual hardened stare it has. “I just… don’t think we should continue this relationship.”_

_And then everything becomes a misty blur and the only thing Gina remembers is the crying, the yelling, and Rosa walking out of the door with all her things, never once looking back. Leaving Gina all alone. Hunched over on the floor, Gina hugs herself tightly and lets the tears fall freely. Salty drops fall from her chin onto her shirt, the heartache leaving her unenergetic, empty. The pain comes in waves, each more painful than the one before, minutes of sobbing only broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths._

_Gina promises herself to never love again. She’s had enough of heartbreak, of the crying, of the hollowness. She thinks the days after her break up with Rosa will be the worst, she’s convinced she will get over Rosa after a while. She’s wrong. The feelings never leave. Neither does the heartache. Instead, they tear her apart, they bring her more hurt than anything ever has. But Gina can’t let go, no matter how much she wants to. She keeps replaying the moment when Rosa broke up with her, the conversation haunting her. There are times when she tries to force herself to forget, but every where she looks in her apartment, she’s reminded of the woman who stomped all over her heart, the woman who walked out of her life mercilessly._

_But through it all, Gina never stops loving Rosa._


	5. i was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Rosa and Pimento break up eventually, but Gina isn’t brave enough to go talk to Rosa. She doesn’t want to make it worse, doesn’t want to be rejected again. She sees Rosa staring at her at work, but Gina ignores her and continues scrolling on her phone. She eventually finds out that Rosa is single, but she just can’t bring herself to talk to Rosa. She doesn’t take the opportunity.

On the day that Jake and Amy get married, Rosa meets someone else. _Alicia._ The two hit it off surprisingly well and even go buy a bouquet for Amy together. Gina learns about Alicia in the precinct, when Terry gushes about them. Immediately her eyes sting and her heart sinks, but she forces herself to smile and be happy for them. Gina didn’t take the opportunity to tell Rosa about her feelings, and this is the consequence.

When Rosa and Alicia break up because long distance isn’t working, Gina doesn’t even feel relieved, happy anymore. She knows what will happen next, she knows Rosa will eventually meet someone else. The cycle will just keep going on. And Gina knows nothing will change until she mans up and decides to talk to Rosa. But she doesn’t know when that day is.

She’s right. After a while, Rosa meets a girl who’s in cosmetology school named Jocelyn. Gina doesn’t even bother learning anything about her. She’s cold towards Jocelyn, glaring at her whenever she tries to come near, and ignoring her whenever she tries to talk. Gina knows that she’s being rude, but she can’t help it. Through the years she’s learnt that it’s always better to build a wall around her heart and keep people out, they’ll leave her life one day anyway. But the one person she can’t keep out is Rosa. Which is why it hurts so much seeing her date other people.

~~

_“Hey,” Gina says with a small smile as she steps into Babylon. Rosa is sitting on the floor with her head leaned against the sink, scrolling on her phone. She looks up, giving a small wave. “Do you need to use the toilet?” she questions, starting to get up._

_“No, it’s fine,” Gina replies, whipping out her own phone. “I just wanted a break.” Rosa nods in understanding and sits back down. The two of them stay like this for a while, silent and minding their own business. It’s just like old times, Gina can’t help but think. Except for the awkward tension in the air, which is nearly tangible._

_Her eyes darting around, Gina finally breaks the silence. “Should we… should we talk about us?” Rosa glances up, confused. “What’s there to talk about? We dated, we broke up. A normal relationship.”_

_Gina winces. Is that really all their relationship is to Rosa? Normal? Because to her, it was some of the best days in her entire life. “I just…” she pauses, thinking of something to say. “When did it all go wrong? Why did you… you know, break up with me?”_

_Rosa sighs, exasperated. “Look, Gina. We’re over now. No reason to talk about something that’s already over, right? Besides, I’m happy as ever with Pimento.” With that, she stands and walks out of Babylon. Leaving Gina alone once more, heartbroken again. She waits for the clicking of Rosa’s heels to fade away before she allows herself to cry. It’s then that Gina realizes they don’t have another chance. What they had is really over, and the healthy thing for her to do is move on. But she doesn’t know how to._


	6. we keep on coming back for love

It’s a little after midnight when Gina receives the call. She’s drifting off to sleep when her phone rings loudly, jolting her awake. Groaning, Gina picks up her phone, about to yell at whoever’s calling her when she sees Rosa’s name. Frowning, she picks up.

“Hey, what’s up?” she asks.

“Please come over. I need you.” And then Rosa hangs up.

Gina’s heartbeat quickens. Her mind races, a series of questions forming. _Is Rosa okay? Why would she call Gina, of all people?_ She decides to find out the answers later, and hurries to the parking lot.

Standing in front of Rosa’s apartment, Gina fishes out a key from her purse she has from their relationship. She unlocks the door quickly and looks around. The apartment hasn’t changed one bit. The vase of lemons is still on the kitchen counter, and the decorations Gina added are still there. Just then she hears a muffled sob coming from upstairs. _Rosa._ Gina’s eyes widen as she hurries up the stairs and into the detective’s bedroom.

She finds Rosa on the floor, leaning against her bed, sobbing hard. “Rosa,” Gina gasps, immediately rushing to her side, checking her arms for wounds. “Rosa, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Jocelyn… she broke up with me,” Rosa says between sobs. Gina feels a _pang_ in her chest. She knows exactly how Rosa feels. “I’m so sorry,” she breathes, pulling her in, stroking her hair affectionately. Gina knows nothing she says or does will make her feel better, but she has to at least try. “It’s gonna be okay,” she whispers. “The feeling will pass.” Gina’s lying though, because the feeling never passed for her. But she’s never seen Rosa this… exposed, this helpless.

Rosa cries even harder on her shoulder, tears soaking her sweater, hands clutching Gina’s arm tightly, the muffled sobs wracking against her chest. At last she pulls away and wipes her tears, her eyes red and swollen. “Why am I crying so much?” Rosa asks desperately. “I never cry.”

“It’s heartbreak,” Gina replies softly, tucking a strand of Rosa’s hair behind her ear. “Everyone goes through it. I know I did.” Rosa looks at her, as if she knows exactly what Gina is talking about, but she doesn’t respond. After a while she asks, “Why did you come?”

“What do you mean?” Gina asks, confused.

“I treated you horribly Gina. I broke up with you, and pushed you away when you tried to ask about our relationship. I wouldn’t even be mad if you didn’t come. I’d understand. I’m such a shitty girlfriend,” Rosa laughs emptily, tears starting to form again. She wipes them away forcefully.

And suddenly Gina’s crying too. “What are you talking about, Rosa? What the hell are you talking about? You are _not_ a shitty girlfriend, okay? Our relationship is probably the best I’ve had.”

“But I hurt you so much.” Rosa doesn’t even bother stopping the tears now. She lets them flow freely, there’s no point in wiping them away. They always come back.

Gina takes Rosa’s hand and holds it tightly. “Rosa, I have never stopped caring about you, even after our break up. There’s no way I would’ve stayed at home after receiving that phone call, knowing you needed help. And I know there’s probably nothing I can do to make this breakup less painful, but just know, I’ll be there if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, okay?”

Rosa nods, breathing shakily. “Thank you. Also if you tell anyone you are dead,” she threatens weakly.

Gina laughs. “I won’t,” she assures the detective. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” She stands up, offering a hand to Rosa.

A series of things happen after that. Rosa takes her hand and stands up, but then leans in, her lips meeting Gina’s. Gina’s mind goes blank, and her breathing stops. _Rosa’s kissing her. Why is Rosa kissing her?_ As much as she’s wanted this to happen over the years, Gina doesn’t kiss back, instead she pulls away.

Confusion clouding in her eyes, Rosa asks, “Why did you pull away?”

Gina, still shocked, asks, “Why did you kiss me?”

Rosa shrugs, embarrassed. “I don’t know. I… felt a connection between us. Just like old times.”

Gina’s heart races. She felt a connection? _Rosa?_ That means… that means Rosa likes her? “I…I…” she stutters, not knowing what to say. “I thought you were heartbroken over Jocelyn?”

Rosa looks away, her eyes glistening once more. “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted closure.”

Gina is silent, trying to process what just happened. She understands how Rosa is feeling. After their breakup, all Gina wanted was closure, was to feel loved again.

“But also, I guess a part of me is… is relieved that this relationship is ending, as much as it hurts.” Rosa adds after a while. “Because I—“ she trails off.

“Because you what?” Gina asks, holding her breath.

“I think I still love you, Gina,” Rosa sighs, wringing her hands helplessly. Gina gasps softly, overwhelmed with emotions. Joy, shock, but confusion most of all. Rosa loves her. _Rosa loves her._ After years of hopeless pining, convinced that they won’t be together again, now she finds out that Rosa loves her. Gina can’t believe it, doesn’t believe it. She’s scared this is all a figment of her imagination, that this is just a dream. That Rosa doesn’t really love her. “And I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but I promise I’ll change. I promise I won’t hurt you again. Letting you go was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I wish we can just go back, and be together again.”

Gina’s heart beats faster, her breathing more rapid. “You… you love… me?” she asks in disbelief. “I thought you knew about my feelings. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Yeah, I figured it out at the wedding. I just didn’t tell you because I thought you wouldn’t give me another chance. Will you?” Now Rosa is looking at Gina hopefully, and her dreams come rushing back to her. But this just… somehow feels wrong.

The thoughts are accelerating in Gina’s head now, her heart beating rapidly. She closes her eyes, trying to calm herself down. Finally sh opens them again, taking a deep breath. “Rosa, I have spent the last 2 years crying over and pining for you. As much as I would like to make _us_ happen again, you just got out of a relationship. I think you need some time to get over it first. And also, I don’t want to be just a rebound. I want us to have a proper relationship.”

Rosa nods in understanding. She steps forward and wraps her arms around Gina, whispering, “I’m so sorry for everything.” Then as she pulls away, she adds, “I never meant to hurt you, I swear. And thank you for giving me another chance. I promise I won’t waste it.”

Gina smiles, the first one in days, weeks even. “I know you won’t. Tell me when you’re ready. Let’s try this again. Together.”

~~

Two months later Gina opens her door to find Rosa standing outside nervously, holding a bouquet of flowers.


	7. dreaming about the things that we could be

The couple make their relationship official after a week. They’re at Gina’s apartment together, eating takeout and watching tv on the sofa. _Just like old times._ Gina’s head is on Rosa’s shoulder, and Rosa’s pressing kisses in her hair and drawing circles subconsciously on Gina’s thigh. They’ve never been more at home.

When the movie finishes, Gina is already fast asleep, curled up on the sofa, snoring lightly. Rosa smiles affectionately, and carries her all the way to their bedroom, tucking her in. Just as she’s about to leave to get a glass of water, she hears Gina mumble “stay”. And so she does. They lie in bed together, just enjoying each other’s presence, listening to each other’s steady breathing.

“Gina?” Rosa says after a while.

“Hm?” Gina turns to look at Rosa, motioning for her to continue.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

The question is so sudden, and Gina doesn’t know how to respond at first. Then she sees there’s only one right answer and she nods vigorously, grinning widely. “I’d like that.”

~~

The squad first finds out about their relationship a few months in. Charles walks into Babylon, planning to call Genevieve, but instead sees Rosa and Gina making out. He promptly squeals loudly and faints. Rosa’s eyes widen and she starts to panic, whereas Gina is unfazed, and even laughs at Boyle on the floor.

Since both of them know Boyle can’t keep a secret, they decide to tell the squad themselves. Rosa is nervous, but Gina calms her down, telling her the squad is basically their family and will support them. And so one day, after the morning briefing, Rosa stands up and announces that she has something she needs to tell them. The squad looks at her expectantly. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Gina smiles encouragingly.

So Rosa takes a deep breath, and says, “Gina and I are dating.” The squad erupts into questions, with Charles fainting (again) and Jake hyperventilating.

Gina ignores all the questions directed at them and frowns. “Rosie, that’s boring. You gotta say it in a more dramatic and revealing way.”

Rosa rolls her eyes, and proceeds to answer the squad’s questions.

“How long have you two been together?” Amy asks after raising her hand.

Rosa shrugs. “A couple months, give or take.”

“A couple months?” Jake shrieks. “Rosa… and Gina… my best friends are dating. How did I not know about this?” He practically screams.

Gina winces. “Jake, it’s too early in the morning for your nonsense screaming. And bt dubs, you didn’t find out because you’re a terrible detective.”

Jake gasps, offended. “I am an amazing detective!” he declares loudly.

Captain Holt holds up a hand. “Enough, Peralta.” Then he turns to Rosa and Gina. “I am very happy for the both of you.” he says monotonously, although his eyes are filled with emotion.

“Thank you, sir.”

~~

That night they lay on the sofa together, watching tv, Gina’s head resting on Rosa’s lap. Rosa is stroking her hair softly, admiring the gorgeous woman in front of her.

“I think that went well,” Rosa says.

“Hm?” Gina turns to look up at her.

“Telling the squad. About us.”

“Yeah.” Gina smiles. “I still think you should’ve done it my way though, with confetti canons and a dance routine.”

Rosa has to laugh out loud, her laughter like music to Gina’s ears. “Save it for the next occasion babe.” They continue watching the sitcom, but Gina is so tired she can barely keep her eyes open. The last thing she thinks before passing out is _I could get used to this forever._


	8. dancing through our house with the ghost of you

But of course it doesn’t last forever. Unbeknownst to the happy couple, there’s something headed their way that will change their lives forever.

It happens on a normal day in the precinct. It’s lunch, and Gina’s scrolling through her phone half-heartedly while planning how to steal Hitchcock and Scully’s lunches. It’s not very hard though. She just lures them to the break room saying she has cake, then locks them in and attempts to find their sandwiches. Well, it’s on their tables, so Gina finds it easily and takes it back to her own desk, ignoring the protests coming from the duo, who are still trapped in the break room. When Captain Holt comes out of his office and unlocks the room due to the “ridiculous amount of noise”, Gina has already finished the sandwiches. The two can only grumble and go back to their own desks.

Suddenly the radio next to Gina crackles to life, and she jumps, shocked. The crackle is immediately followed by a voice.

“Be advised. We have a shooting or something going on in Brooklyn Heights.” Then a bunch of names and numbers.

Gina isn’t sure what is going on until Captain Holt explains it to her, and she listens on.

“Diaz. 3118. Show me going.” Gina freezes. No _. No._ Not Rosa. Not Rosa Diaz. Not _her_ Rosa. She sees the squad react out of the corner of her eyes, but she can’t move. Rosa’s there, in an active shooter situation. _Rosa._ _She’s going to be okay, she’s going to be okay_ , Gina reassures herself, trying to calm down. _She’s Rosa. She’s tough. She’ll be fine._ _Right?_

_~~_

Gina tries to take her mind off Rosa, but she can’t. Everywhere she looks she’s reminded of the detective. Ending up sitting in Rosa’s chair, Gina puts her head on her desk. She can’t fight the tears and just lets them roll down her cheeks. She’s so scared, so terrified. She can’t lose Rosa. She can’t. It’s just the start of their happy after ever. Then suddenly Jake’s next to her, and he’s leading her to the break room gently.

“Gina, are you okay?” he asks, concerned, as she slumps onto the sofa, refusing to meet his eyes. Gina doesn’t respond, but Jake thinks he hears a small sob at the back of her throat. “Hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to pretend to be tough,” he murmurs, placing a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. “We’re all scared for her.”

“I’m so scared, Jake,” Gina whispers, sniffling softly. “I’m so scared.” Jake sighs and takes her hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb. “I can’t lose her, I—“ she fumbles with her pocket, searching for something, and frowns. “Wait here,” she tells Jake.

A moment later she returns, holding a small velvet box. Jake gasps. “Is that… what I think it is?” Gina nods, tears spilling from her eyes. “I’m planning to propose to Rosa.” Jake is silent for a while, as if thinking about something. Then he nods in determination and says, “We’re gonna get her back. I’m going down there to help her, and then you guys can have a proper proposal, and get married in a fairytale wedding. I promise I’m gonna help you get your happy ever after Gina. And that’s a Peralta guarantee.”

~~

But he gets caught by Captain Holt outside the precinct, and has to reluctantly head back in. Jake feels terrible. He feels like he’s let Gina down. He trods back in, head hung low, contemplating how to tell her.

Meanwhile, Gina’s sitting at her desk, anxiously looking at the elevator, holding on to every word that Jake said. She hopes with all her heart that he was telling the truth, and he’ll be able to help Rosa, and bring her back. Then she sees him walking out of the elevator alone and her heart drops. _No._

“Jake,” she says, hurrying up to him, her eyes large and fearful. “What happened?”

Jake looks down apologetically. “I’m so sorry Gina. Captain Holt caught me outside. I couldn’t help Rosa.”

Gina doesn’t react, she doesn’t know how to. She feels the small flame of hope in her heart slowly extinguish. There’s still not much information about the active shooter situation, and none about the love of her life. She lets out a shaky breath.

“But she’s not alone. She’s part of a massive NYPD response,” Jake continues. “She’ll be fine. Hopefully.”

Gina tries to believe him.

~~

“Guys, guys. They just took both shooters into custody.” Charles says frantically, interrupting everyone’s conversations. “Officers got injured in the action. They don’t say how many.”

“Do they mention anything about Rosa?” Gina asks desperately, her chest tightening, trying not to let the fear in her voice show.

Charles shakes his head. “We have to wait.”

“Call Diaz. Get her cell,” Terry suggests. But no one picks up, and it goes straight to voicemail.

_No. No. This can’t be happening._ Gina’s mind whirls. _No. I can’t lose her._ She turns to the elevator anxiously, waiting for Rosa to step out any minute. _Please come back,_ she begs silently. _I don’t know what I’d do without you._

5 minutes pass. 10 minutes. Then 30. Rosa is still nowhere to be seen, and is still not picking up. Everyone is silent, including Gina. Then suddenly the phone starts ringing in Captain Holt’s office. The squad hold their breath and stare as Captain Holt walks in and answers the phone.

“Yes, this is the 99th precinct… yes, I will let my squad know… thank you.” He steps out after a while with his usual expressionless face, and beckons for Terry to join him in his office, closing the door behind them.

The squad is quiet. Gina’s breath gets caught in her chest, fearing the worst. “Someone tell me what’s happening,” she demands, walking to the office. “Please! Someone tell me what the fuck is happening!” she yells hysterically, pounding on the door. Her yells are overtaken by sobs, her pounds getting weaker and weaker. Gina slowly sinks to her knees, and Jake rushes to her side immediately. Then Terry and Holt step out. Gina looks up at them hopelessly, her face streaked with tears.

“Detective Diaz…” Captain Holt begins, his voice cracking. “Detective Diaz was shot in the chest. The doctors don’t think she’ll make it.”

Gina is silent for a while at first, trying to process this. Then she feels the panic starting to rise in her chest, her breaths slowly turning to gasps and her heart hammering in her chest. “No,” she’s shaking her head, crying hard. “No.” She gasps for more air as the room starts to spin. Gina feels her ribs heaving, as if she were bound by ropes. She collapses onto the ground, her breathing more shallow, more rapid, the blood pounding in her ears. She can’t breathe, she can’t hear anything, see anything. All she can think about right now is Rosa. _Rosa Rosa Rosa._ She feels Jake’s arms around her, trying to calm her down, but she pushes him away. “No!” she screams. “Tell me… tell me this is not happening please,” she gasps out. There’s a certain pain overwhelming her, knocking the wind out of her lungs, making her throat close up. “Rosa…” Gina cries out. She feels Terry comforting her, Amy rubbing her back, and everything becomes a misty blur. The next thing she knows they’re standing in the hospital lifelessly, in front of Rosa’s room.

~~

Rosa wakes up with a start, but she can’t open her eyes. She tries to, but not matter how hard she tries, her eyelids stay shut. Suddenly she hears a voice. “Rosa.” Soft, breathy, silvery. _Gina._ Rosa feels her hand being gently lifted, then a sob. “I love you so much Rosa,” Gina whispers, pressing a kiss to her hand. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.” Rosa wants to react, to hug Gina, to tell her it will be okay, but she can’t move. She can only listen to Gina, heartbroken and devastated.

“I was planning to propose to you. I was planning to fucking propose to you,” Gina continues, breathing shakily. Then Rosa feels a ring being slipped onto her finger. It’s cold but light and dainty, and without looking at it she already knows it’s perfect. “Why is this happening?” Gina chokes out. “Why? Why is the universe so against us? We’re meant to grow old together, and never leave each other’s side. I love you so much.” Rosa’s heart aches. Their story has been too short, ending too quickly. _I love you too_ , she thinks silently.

And suddenly Gina’s laughing through her tears, but it’s not her usual laugh, it’s hollow, it’s void. “I don’t even know if I want to continue living without you, Rosa. I can’t imagine going home every day alone everyday, I can’t imagine lying in bed and falling asleep alone, I can’t imagine being without you. Maybe our story is like Romeo and Juliet. Maybe it’s meant to end with both of us dead. That way we won’t have to be without each other, and we will finally both be happy.” Now Rosa’s praying with all her might that what Gina is saying isn’t true. She’s strong, she’s independent, and she needs to go on without Rosa. _Please don’t do anything stupid babe_ , she pleads in her mind.

Suddenly Rosa feels… weak, as if she’s floating, and she hears a soft ringing growing louder every second. Gina gasps, and looks up. She realizes it’s the monitor. It’s starting to flatline. “No!” she sobs, throwing her body over Rosa’s. “No! Please don’t go. Please!” But Rosa can’t hear her anymore. She’s slipping in and out of consciousness, and her last thought before her mind fades to black is _please keep Gina safe._ Then she doesn’t feel anything anymore. She’s strangely at peace.

And it is with a death that this love story ends.

_But Rosa is certain she will find Gina in another lifetime, and they’ll finally have the happy ending they deserve. Because their love is eternal, and nothing can take it away from them. Not even death. They’ll find their way back to each other eventually._


End file.
